Hi all,

I just found this place, and I'm grateful to have found a community of people who might understand.

I've been dealing with this for over 20 years, and I am in the midst of what is probably one of the very worst bouts I've ever experienced.

I have a TON of information related to this - trauma history, treatments I've tried, medical appointments, etc - and it's far, far too much to go into here. And even though I've learned a lot over the years, I still haven't managed to get this under control.

I found this site through a Google search for information on a skin condition I'm experiencing; it was an archived forum thread on the old site titled "Stretchy white plugs". This is what I've been dealing with, and it's been impossible to solve. I've been to SO MANY dermatologists, but none have helped. In fact, because I was determined to be honest and transparent about my dermatillomania, I have been almost entirely dismissed by derms over the years, and I deeply regret ever mentioning having an excoriation disorder because none of them will listen to me now. I have sat in an examination room with derms in TEARS, begging for help, and each one of them has essentially ignored the information I've provided and focused solely on the picking. I know it's a problem, but there's something else going on inside my skin and I can't seem to get any medical professionals to take me seriously.

So now, I think I am *DONE* with dermatologists, as it's become clear that I will find no help there. In the meantime, I have all but annihilated the skin on my face, and the amount of shame I carry related to this is too heavy to handle anymore. I can't leave my house without wearing a bandana to cover my forehead, and often a face mask to hide my chin, because it looks EXTREMELY alarming. And the pain & the itch is unbearable. My face hurts so, so much.

The thing is, I'm certain I can get the picking under control if I could just get the underlying skin problems sorted out, but I'm at a loss; I've tried so many things - topicals, oral medications, OTC remedies and ointments and gels and serums and lotions and salves and oils and astringents and and and and... 😞 I have spent hundreds upon hundreds of dollars over the years, and nothing has helped; in fact, much of it has made things worse.

I know stress and trauma are the primary triggers for this, and a little over a year ago I went through a terribly bad breakup, which caused an enormous amount of stress and triggered an explosion of plugs and cysts all over my face. And ever since then I've been attacking my skin, and I don't know if I can ever get it back to a healthy state ever again.

I've been in therapy, which was enormously helpful, but my financial situation has changed and I was no longer able to afford it. And I would have liked to be able to enroll in this program here, but there's no way I'm able to - I simply do not have the money.

And I dont have anywhere else to turn. I don't know what to do anymore.

I know this post was long and rambly, so if you made it to the end, I want to say thank you for listening. 🙏