I wonder where I learned this, to put myself down so harshly. Was it a single moment in time, or was it a habit built in layers? Was it observed in my family of origin? Which parent do I blame? 😅 Which unresolved ancestral habit am I manifesting and I'm now responsible for?

Although I am somewhat curious, I know the origin doesn't really matter, and it's a distraction if I'm being honest. All that matters is that I am faced with it now and I see it clearer than ever before.

I suppose I wouldn't be so aware of it if I didn't have small children. Through their eyes, I can see more clearly. And maybe that's part of the problem, that I never thought that the way that I talked to myself mattered, that I can only now see when there are other people involved, other people for whom I care deeply and do not wish to cause harm. Why didn't I ever see myself in the same light? Someone who was not deserving of such criticism. Ouch. Another thing to criticize myself for? There it is again! I see you! 😆

So here I am reflecting on this big hole in my emotional health, something I really really super missed in my development. Something that always truly deserved my full attention but only now seems painful enough to notice.

I know this is important work. It feels really hard. I can see the humor in it too. And that is helping.

Thank you for reading.